The other day I knew something was strange. I could tell Jesse was up to something funny I just had a feeling about it. I knew that he would have to walk home from his DUI class and I knew he had a pocket full of money, and I knew he had to walk by the tweeker ville area! I called him and I was already pissed I knew he was up to something. I asked him if he had went by the tweeker area. He said he went looking for the "guy" because he owed him money. LONNNNG story but I guess he kind of did but he said the guy was not there so he left. I still felt something was strange. I asked him several times and of course he was so convincing that he was doing nothing wrong in facr he picked a fight with me. I guess if he was mad at me he would not feel guilty doing something behind my back. so that night of course at 830 he is telling me he is going to bed YEAH fucking right! I was born yesterday! Jerk! so the next day I had an apppointment. After the appointment I called Jesse and he was already running errands..... he said he was going to pay our cell phone bills.... He ended up going to the cell phone place by the tweekers when there is one a block from his house. I was so mad I knew what he was up to, and he knew i knew. He avoided me all damn day....
The next day I saw him and the minute I saw him I KNEW he had been doing drugs, I was soooo pissed off. He would not admit to me at all. he kept telling me I was wrong and that I should believe him he said its not whats happening, I didnt do anything why are you saying these things why do you think that.....soooo He needed to mail a letter when he got out of the car I left. I pulled around the corner I opened his fanny pack (yes he had one with him) and there was a glass pipe. OMFG he was so lying to me.....
As it is now he swears its not going to ever happen again. all he does is lie to me, He can lie right to my face. One day I will give up. I cant continue it because he will ruin my life
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
My Nightmare.....
The next day I worked with him again..... Jesse is his name. I liked the name always have but soon that would change too. I started talking to him, getting to know him. I asked him questions and he was obviously flirty. We talked about our cell phones and texting and stuff like that. He said "you should text me" and I said "sure you probably wouldnt text me back" he said he would and that I should give him my number before I left work. I was kinda hoping he would forget and I could slip out without him asking me, but about 5 minutes before I was to leave he reminded me so I felt like I should give it to him. After all we were co workers now and he could have gotten it one way or another. It was not long after I left that night that he texted me. It was so obvious that he wanted me to have his number.
We talked through text and talked on the phone a lot after that. We decided to hang out and I had to pick him up. I knew before he even told me that he must of had a DUI and lost his license because he didnt drive and he didnt have a car. I brought him to my house to hang out and before long we were friends. We talked all the time and we hung out all the time too. My friend that worked with us had a huge crush on him and I guess I didnt like it too much. Him and I were for sure liking each other.
One night my friend from work me and Jesse decided to go out. When we went out it was like he didnt even know us. He was so busy getting girls numbers and talking to girls that he didnt want to hang out with us. When it was time to leave he came back to my house. He was going to stay the night because he was not allowed to go home that late..... so he said. When we got back to my house he got in my bed. I knew I liked him but I told him I had a boyfriend. He was not happy about it. He continued to flirt with me and thats when I started giving him rides to and from work. After a while of doing that he started just barrowing my car. I knew that his license was suspended but he reassured me that if he got pulled over that the police would jsut call me and I would have to come get the car. I told him not to leave Brentwood and not to have ANYONE in my car. I told him that and I trusted he would do what I had asked him to do. Soon I would find out that he was giving people rides and that he would drive all the way to san ramon to play basketball, when he would come to Winco at night to pick me up my car would be on total empty. I really wanted him to get his own car. It was becoming too much. I started to feel used by him. We were not even together. He made it known that we were not a couple. I understood and I was accepting of it. I told him that my boyfriend was coming to visit from turkey. He was really not happy with it.
When my boyfriend got here things were ok. Jesse I know was feeling left out and I felt bad. I really did like him and I really did care about him. I wanted to see him. after my boyfriend left I was happy with just being friends with Jesse but before long it turned into something more. I started having a relationship with him as well. He got a car and things started to look good. I was glad to help him get a car because then I knew that he would not be driving mine. I was tired of sharing my car with him. I was like his personal taxi cab. One night before he had gotten his car he barrowed my car while I was at work. He was supposed to pick me up at 11pm and never showed up. After waiting there for about an hour I called his house and his mother gave me a ride home. He showed up about an hour later saying that he had fallen asleep in the car while waiting for me.
So he got his car....and soon after that he started drinking again. I knew that he was an alcoholic but I thought that those days were over. I was wrong. He started doing strange things like not showing up for work... turning his phone off and disappearing. I never knew where he was. sometimes he would call me in the middle of the night after not being able to get a hold of him all day. He would be in Oakland with no gas and drunk and need a ride home. It was turning worse and worse. I was paying for everthing trying to help him and then he just quit his job. He decided not to show up. It was a nightmare. After being without a job for some time he started working again. He was working grave yards and I knew he hated it. He would tell me stories how girls always wanted him to leave with them and always made me feel like crap. I had just about enough. I would call him and there would be no answer but if I blocked my number he would answer it. I knew he was talking to someone else.......
Behind his back I went to Turkey. My Turkey guy begged me to go there and I did. I needed a break. While I was there I thought a lot about what I needed to do. When I came home he was not even glad I was back the only thing he wanted was me to help him and well I was tired of helping him! It was then I cut it off i realized when i was gone that I could survive without talking to him for 2 weeks I could do it longer. He was mad he called me lots of names told me that he had another girl and I believed all of it. I made a decsion and I stuck to it I changed my number and I was offically done with him. I was sick of paying for everything sick of being used by him so I was DONE.
The next few weeks was hard I felt as if I were a drug addict. Everyday was a day more and I counted it like that after 2 weeks I felt so good. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted and I was happy again. little did I know that those days would be short lived.
A few months had passed and I did think about Jesse from time to time but I never wanted to see how he was doing. I would see his mom from time to time and I would say hi and I hoped she would not say anything to him. I didnt even want my name in his head I didnt want to give him any ideas. As far as I was concerned he was gone forever. A few weeks later I saw his mother and she told me that Jesse was in jail. I have no idea why but I felt sorry for him. I started talking to his mother on the phone on a regualr basis and she and I would vent to each other. After a while of talking she asked me if I would pick him up from jail. I was so unsure of it. I knew I should not but I wanted too at the same time.
On may 15th I woke up at 5 am got ready and drove to Hayward to his court date. I waited there to find out if he would be released. I knew he would be so I went to santa rita jail and I waited for nearly 9 hours before they relased him. I was happy to see him but I was also nervous I had no idea what to expect I had not seen him for months and we stopped talking on bad terms.. We drove to his house and I stayed the night i was happy and scared at the same time. I knew he had been sober and for that I was really glad. We spent the weekend together and it was cool. I was happy to be around him. I hugged him a lot. He told me about his experiences in jail and I listened. I was glad to have him back.
On monday he told me that he was not ready to give up drinking. He told me that he thought he could do it but he cant and he asked me to be understanding. I had just gotten him back I was not ready to let him go. I told him if he was going to drink I was too. He said he wanted to go somewhere and well that made me nervous. The next thing I knew is that he is spilling beer all over my car and we are headed to oakland..... for what I have no idea. He made me stop at someones house and at this time he was soo clearly drunk. I was scared and now I was in Oakland. He was looking at people and throwing my cds out the window. When I would try to drive some where other than where he wanted he would grab the steering wheel. I was afraid for my life that night. He was throwing empty bottles out the window of the car on the freeway telling me that we were going to go to the city. I was so afraid that I just pretended thats what I was going to do. At the last minute I acted as if I missed the exit. Before long he is moaning and groaning he is so drunk and sick. He starts thrashing around and before I know it he kicks my windshield and breaks it I was so upset all i could think about was getting him homw and away from him alive. When I found the freeway I was familiar with and he climbed in the back seat I started driving over 100 miles an hour hoping that I would get pulled over. He was in the back seat throwing up all over my car. It was a mess. When I got him home he was passed out in the back seat. I told him to get the fuck out of my car. When he didnt move I told him I was going to wake up his parents. he got out tore off my weather stripping from the back door and threw the harley glasses I had gotten for my dads birthday out of the car.... he walked out in the middle of the yard and fell on his face. I didnt care I left him there.
I went straight to the gas station to clean up the puke. I was so upset but happy to be alive. I went home and make up some bullshit excuse the next day that I had hit a rock I had to fix my window it cost me 170$ his mom paid half. after a ton of sorries I forgave him. I wanted things to work and I do not know why. He was drinking now on a regular basis and on the 4th of july I thought it was a good time for him to show my parents that he could be a nice guy but of course it didnt work out like that. As we were playing catch Daniel wanted to play Jesse could not handle it so he walked off and into the garage. He told me that HE comes first. he said that I can not put Daniel first. He said all he wanted to do was play catch with me just me for a little while. It was crazy we were all watching the fireworks when he screamed in my ear for no apparent reason. In reaction I hit him in the arm and told him that hurt. He was pissed. He told me to take him home. I was beyond upset when we left. It was like a nightmare. the 4th was ruined and it was his fault. the next few weeks went by and my birthday was approaching. I wanted to stay in a nice hotel with him but money was tight. The night before my birthday we decided to go out to eat. While we were eating he told me that he wanted to "get high" he told me that he wanted to do cocaine and that sex would be really good. I did not want him to do it and not to mention he needed the money for it as well. I was trying to save my money for the hotel room and dinner that I knew I would have to pay for but he seemed why too demanding. He got drugs and before I knew it he was in my car smoking it and it was not what he said it was, It was worse. it was meth. We went back to his house and yeah sex was ok but what he really wanted to do was to watch porn. I was so grossed out i turned it off and before I knew it he was asking me to turn it back on I was mortified. I left the room and sat in the bathroom I as so sad. the next day came it was my birthday and I had a sick feeling in my stomach. we went and got the hotel room and drinks all which I paid for we went to dinner and again I paid for it. He did nothing for me for my birthday. It was all on me.
A few weeks after my birthday is his birthday. he let me know that he wanted me to buy him a basketball hoop. It was about 200$ I really did not have the money but he insisted that I buy it for him. I did. I felt like a sucker!
About a week after that I discovered that he had joined a dating site. I was so upset and I felt like more of a sucker. I felt so used like he didnt even want me.
a while after all this happened we would have regular bouts of drinking and abuse. One night we ended up in discovery bay. He was drunk and mad and it was miserable. We ended up going to Dennys where he was checking out the waitress so bad. He was looking at her up and down and licking his lips like she was a piece of meat. I told him I hated him that night and at that point I did. I still have no idea why I did not just leave him there. I wish I had.
After all this it seemed to just go down hill from there. He started lying to me about doing drugs. He started doing drugs daily asking me for money to buy it. I hated it. He would always want rides to go get it and I was always so worried. He would smoke it right in the same room with me and never think anything of it. He would do the drugs and jack off for hours and hours until he came. It was the most disturbing thing I have been through. I hated the fact that he would do the drugs in the same room with me while I was sleeping it worried me alot. He was a drug addict alcoholic that was ruining my life. He wants everything his way.
One day he said that he wanted to go to santa cruz. I hated going anywhere with him because he would end up drunk and it was hell to get home. It always worried me so much. He wanted to go down there so bad so we planned it and I was working up to it. I know I always had an attitude but its because I was always so scared to be with him. That morning we got into a fight because he wanted to go further to get his beer to save some money. So he starts off with 2 40oz beers and says thats all for the day! YEA right I should know better. By the time were in pleasanton he needed to stop to use the bathroom because he had been drinking beer (yes in my car) I hated that I had to keep stopping. We finally made it to santa cruz. We got to the beach and it was good. But before long he was gone... said he was going to get the umbrella and was gone forever. I was really wondering if he would ever come back. I was getting nervous. Finally a while later he comes back with the umbrella and of course more beer. So here we are on the beach and we are having a good time. hanging out when he starts asking me random questions about computers and such. I was starting to wonder what he was talking about and he told me what he did. While I was sitting on the beach waiting for him he walked to the car but of course as he walked to the car he was looking in the cars in the parking lot YEA I KNOW! I was so upset when he told me that be took someones laptop and DVD player and camera. I was so devestated that I started to cry. The next thing I know he is trying to talk me into going to SF to sale the things he just stole. I was mortified! Here we are in santa cruz having an ok day and now he is wanting something more. Always something more nothing is ever enough for him. So here i am driving to SF I so not want to go but at the same time I do not want to go through hell that he would put me in if I said no. We get to SF and I think he sales most of it for maybe 70$ It really was not worth all of that. I told him I wanted to eat at a Turkish resturaunt. I knew it would piss him off but I wanted to piss him off. All the while he is drinking more and more at this point he is really drunk. We eat dinner all the while he is telling me what a bad area it is. Telling me that we should not be down there and its not safe. Before we were about to walk back to the car that was parked a few blocks away I told him I needed to use the bathroom. When I came back he was gone. I had no idea where he was. I waited for him for about a half hour when I decided that he was not coming back. I started walking back to the car. As I am walking I am crying.... Im so upset that I put up with so much stuff from him as I am walking all of a sudden I see him standing on the side of the sidewalk with another 40 in his hand. I really wanted to spit in his face. He finally got home and once again I was so happy to be away from him. I was so tired of the drama and the horrible ways he makes me feel.
He was always stealing things. He would think nothing of it. He would go in to a store and steal something so fast. He would ask me to take him to the mall and the next thing you know he is looking in cars and looking for something that he could take.I hated being with him. I remember one day he was on a stealing spree so when he mentioned going to safeway I was happy I was thinking that i wanted to get a way from the mall we went to safeway and I order a sandwich. next thing I know he is telling me he needs my keys.....He wants his jacket I give him the keys and continue waiting for the sandwich and then the next thing I know hes in the drivers side in front of the store telling me to come on. I do not want him to drive because he is drunk but yet he forces me to get in and he drives off.... I later found out that he had stolen 5 hennesy bottles and he was trying to sell them. It was another nightmare. he was so drunk and I ended up driving back to Antioch i was always so glad to be back in Antioch. I knew i was close to being safe.That day he had me go to some appartments and he says that Im a dummy he says open the trunk dummy open it you dummy he just kept telling me I was a dummy. Again I do not know why I did not leave him there.
I had a class I was attending. I was normally out of the class at 4 and we had made plans to get together. I got out of the class early and I was on my way to his house, when he sdidnt answer my calls I called his mom. She told me that she heard him on the phone making plans with "Eric"..... Eric is this ghetto black that I do not like. Within a few minutes Jesse called and told me that he went with a friend to drop his girlfriend off at work he said that he would ahve him drop him off at safeway down the street. About 30 minutes later he calls and is screaming at me to come get him But I have no idea where he is. I ask him over and over again but they are arguing so bad that I have no idea still where they are. I start driving and then it goes from bad to worse.... I have no gas there is rush hour traffic and he is screaming at me to "come get me NOW"! I told him that I didnt have gas.... He said find some money and get me now!!! so stupid me I start driving with no gas out to concord. When I finally find him he gets in the car with 2 bottles of champange. One opened and one closed. I told him not to open the one thats closed. It was a mess he was so rue to me all the while he is acting like a fool drinking his champange. after we got on the freeway he opened the other bottle. He tried to get me to drink some but I told him NO he does not like to be told NO so he poured it down my shirt all down the front of me. He kept grabbing the steering wheel and making it very hard for me to drive. I was beyone fed up. He started throwing up again all over my car he spit on my windows and make it miserable. I again could not wait to drop him off.
On January 18 we went to milpitas to look at houses for rent. Before we left he drank 2 beers. It was a sunday and we were going to pick Daniel up from his dads at the end of the day. We were all over milpitas and at one of the places I saw he was drinking Hennesy. I was really upset and we started fighting it snowballed and before I knew it it was time to pick Daniel up. I really was so tired of the abuse. The fight was really bad and I could not wait to get home but this time I had Daniel with me. When we got to Livermore he said he had to pee I was not surprised he was drinking all day we went into Mc Donalds and Daniel ate. As we were leaving he said that he needed to pee so Daniel and I went to the car as he got in I saw that he had beer stuffed down his pants. I was so pissed off I just wanted away from him. That was the last time he drank.....
In June he didnt have money to pay for his cell phone. He spends all his money on weed. Then he expects me to pick up the lack of money on his end. I paid his phone bill. a few weeks later we were taking Daniel to the movies, before the movies Jesse went into the store to get some snacks. While he was in the store I looked through his phone! On the internet part there was searching for a phone sex hotline. I was really pissed off when I found out that he had called but yet lied to me about it.
The day before my 30th birthday I knew something was wrong. When I called him he sounded funny like he used to when he was using drugs. I knew right away that he was using. We got into a big fight and he ended up ruining my birthday. The day of my birthday I got dressed up and went and picked him up. We were going to dinner he came out wearing ugly BUM clothes. When I told him where we were going ( a place not too far) he said ok. By the time we got there he refused to go in. He wanted to get something to go.....again he thinks it all about him.
A few days before his birthday he texts me in the morning with "I miss you so much" and then he calls. all of a sudden his phone cuts out and thats the end of that I called him all day and there was no response. I didnt hear from him until the next moening at 230am when he called me from BART and wanted a ride.
On his birthday I was still pissed off at him for the shit he had pulled the few days before. He had went and gambled the money we were to use on his birthday. So we ended up going camping. on the way i was bitching at him I still was not over the stuff he did and thats when it went from really bad to so bad! We were on the side of the road he was telling me what a bitch I was.... I have NEVER seen someone that pissed off. He told me that next time he would POP me and it would be my fault.
He likes to call me names and dummy is one of his favorites. He does not hesitate to call me a fucking dumb bitch or anything like that he thinks he has the right.
He does not want me to have friends and hates the fact that I talk to my sister and we are close. I really do not understand him.
He does not work, he wants to move out before he gets a job.
He likes to control everything. If I sat here all night and day I still could not write everything he has done to me.
Loser Number 1
The next day we decided to meet up I picked starbucks.....and we met there. Not bad looking just a tad shorter than me but not bad. we drank our starbucks and sat outside and he was telling me about his time in the navy.... that was cool except that he was being way too loud! Everyone at starbucks could hear everything he was saying so much that I finally said oh well lets go. We ended up driving over to schooners and having a beer. It was nice we sat outside and he started telling me about his crazy EX who he had just left in may... UM you see this scar here he says..... she hit me with a board! WOW (later I would understand why someone would want to hit him) He again was talking very loud! he was saying F this and F that all the while people were around us trying to enjoy their dinner..... I had to tell him several times to lower his voice UGH kinda irritating! So after a bit and listening to his stories I told him to come over to my house. We came to my house and started watching "ghost adventures" but he clearly was not interested in it at all instead we were looking up ghost things on youtube, when he could not find what he was looking for he signed in to his account!!! This would come in handy later on!!! HE HE HE! That was fun but I was pretty uncomfortable! He was a snuggled up to me like it was freezing and I was 104 degrees! He also told me about the infant son he had lost wow that was a lot to take in and on top of that asked if maybe I would go to the cemetary with him I really just wanted to say DUDE i do not even know your last name! I can not go visit your dead son YIKES Yeah so then he left I kinda kicked him out lol the next day we didnt hang out.... We were supposed to but while I was on the phone with him his friend asked him to go fishing! YEA so guess what I was just pushed aside!! BIG RED FLAG!! that night he asked to hang out......I rolled over and fell back to sleep LOL the next day we talked. I asked him if he wanted to come over and he did. I liked him there were things I did not like....I did not like the fact that he had flowing nose hair WTF is that come on man it 2010 you can buy special clippers for that! He aslo smoked! Not a turn on but hey it is what it is!
He came over on monday and we hung out and yeah he kissed me. I was thinking about the nose hair! I opened my eyes and he was looking at me ok WEIRD I was always told that you should never trust a man who does not close his eyes when you kiss...... something to think about! Oh and he had something stuck in his teeth... yeah kinda turned off. I was not too hungry! So I made an excuse to get the hell out of my room..... we went for a drive to get gas....and drive around it was cool he even mentioned marriage LOL wow. We hung out and he told me more stories about how he is saved by god and he left his crazy girl and he was hanging with the wrong crowd in LA and thats why he moved here and this and that..... OK thats cool. We both talked about what we wanted and what we looked for. I told him I am looking for someone who is not controlling. He said cool. He mentioned that if we start dating that he does not like to argue and blah blah blah OK boring stuff. We made plans to go to the city the next day......
I talked to him the next day and we were still on the city I was excited! I was happy to do something Daniel was with his daddy! I called and he said he would be ready in about an hour and a half he said he was cleaning his car! thats nice I thought he is cleaning the car for me :) SWEET hes not sooo bad! SoI called him like a bit later and he was getting ready and before you knew it he was at my house picking me up! We went to the city and he tried really hard not to scare me. He had a nice car and it was fast and he knew it..... We hung out at this nice park and he kissed me again....BIG BONER yea I was embarressed for him! he knew I had seen it..... after a while I was ready to leave. He has mentioned going to a hotel and drinking and he mentioned drinking in the park but I was really not wanting that. We had fun and then we headed back home and ate at in and out his phone kept ringing! He told me it was his EX that she always calls and this and that and he just left and never looked back and wont talk to her..... WOW should have known!!!!! before long we are back at my house and making out in the car..... I liked it at this point not too bad. We started fooling around and when he c**e He started talking about how we should not have done that! I was like HUH he was upset we fooled around I was really irritated!! Before long we came inside the house and then he wanted to have sex! I was again shocked and I didnt let anything happen! We talked for a long time and then he left.
The next day I texted him..... He asked me if I wanted him to come over.... I said yes and he called me at 6pm he came over and we hung out before long we were kissing again! He decides to take off all his clothes including the boxers that he was wearing the night before EWWWWW!!!! He had it in his mind that he wanted to mess around and his butt ass naked ass was on my bed! He wanted to put his hands down my pants and when I told him NO like 10 times I told him that i was on my period! He still did not want to take no for an answer and then had the nerve to tell me I am controlling! very IRRITATING!!! we hung that night for a but and then he left...... never to be heard from again!!!!! YEA here I lower my standards and look what happens!!! god guys are losers!!! LOL sooo remember I said that he signed into his youtube??? Well its still signed on and whenever I think of something like the song "your a jerk" I put it in his favorites!!! I guess its just my way of dealing with rejection..... now maybe I should email him my blog!!!! he he he
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